It startles me to acknowledge the amount of printed material my classmates, and I have painstakingly re-written by hand

As I sit idle once again, pondering over whether the Indian education system is the product of brilliance, or bullheadedness, I realize it does much more than just produce clerks; something I mentioned in my previous article. Perhaps certain characteristics of those emerging successfully from this system may be associated with those of a boring office clerk (no offense to any clerks in general). However, it would be unfair to pass them off merely as people with a love for paperwork and well-polished shoes.

For the past twelve years, I’ve had to spend at least six hours of every two out of three days in my life going to a facility specially equipped to make vegetables out of people. At “school”, students were trained under two primary disciplines: How to develop a taste for conformity, thus rejecting anything original in the process, and endure boredom of the highest degree. As shunning originality was part of the routine, all coursework involved reproducing writings, thoughts, and ideas; either from those unaware of out system’s values, or other copyists. As we copied every single character concerning the aim, procedure, and observation of a given experiment from a dubious source, teachers congratulated students plagiarizing poems by Wordsworth, Milton, and Keats for the school magazine. It startles me to acknowledge the amount of printed material my classmates, and I have painstakingly re-written by hand.

Though the Indian education system respects the indifference toward intellectual property, copying during tests is strictly prohibited. Why? Because, copying in a test requires one to be creative, sharp, and alert. New techniques are always being thought of and established so as to skillfully carry it off without attracting unwarranted attention. Hence, it is punishable by law. Yet, one is allowed to regurgitate facts onto some paper; facts which one might have failed to digest over the past few months. And those capable of vomiting more factual information are glorified by their teachers and looked up to.

Our education system requires nine-tenths of the people working under it to be incompetent in order to function the way it has functioned so far. It is a place where the incompetent are respected and the incapable never lose their jobs. However, the blithering idiots who try to teach in class, the kind of people who are considered to be icons, and the environments students are forced to endure are all topics for another article and another idle afternoon.

The Indian education system is either ingenuity beyond my wildest dreams or idiocy of inconceivable enormity

The formulation of the Indian education system certainly was no easy errand. It required a unique assortment of men who knew no bounds whatsoever when it came to utilizing their unimaginable talents. Indeed, these men were perfectionists, and they successfully designed an education system so efficient, that it almost never failed to realize its ulterior motives.

Hence, over the years, our education system has managed to produce a few million clerks along with a countless other zombies. Apart from incorporating students with clerical abilities, our education system boasts to be among the few that have managed to suppress any novelty which may have glimmered faintly among the masses.

I have nothing against clerks. Yet, I find it strange to observe battalions of teachers in scores of institutions doing their very best to exhort students to excel at copying down pre-written material, and withstanding boredom of the highest degree. A great deal of effort is put into allowing students to harness the breathtaking ability to tirelessly place stacks of paper in order alphabetically and frustrate hapless clients as they spend hours searching for a document from a certain date. However, as a friend points out, “Our education system could be the product of geniuses. Einstein was a clerk himself, and hence, our authorities are trying to train more such clerks.”

If this is indeed the case, perhaps I’ve been a little too harsh with our system. Perhaps those who contrived of it were looking to make a difference for the greater good. Perhaps they were men of great foresight; men who were ahead of their own time, and frowned at those trying to promote originality. And what’s more, they have successfully managed to put the first half of their plan into effect, and that too; in great numbers. Now all the remains is to put in motion, the second part of this glorious design. Hence, the Indian education system is either ingenuity beyond my wildest dreams or, idiocy of inconceivable enormity.

Join a college and let your brain shrivel or be original and die a pauper

The month of June has arrived, bringing with it a myriad of baffling flora and fauna. The street dogs aren’t as brave as in winter, and cows feel more unrestricted as they relieve themselves on someone’s doorstep. However, something of far greater import is unfolding nearby at this moment. Yes, something that is allowed to overrule your dissatisfied olfactory receptors as you step out for what little fresh air there is in Bangalore. Just like all other events of startling significance, this concerns a fraction of the unfortunate souls living in this city; the teenagers who have just, and in instances such as my own; barely, escaped the rabid jaws of our antiquated schooling. Alas, now a feverish wolf foaming at its mouth awaits to greet us as we stoop even lower in our attempts to conform with the sheep around us. Yes, you have guessed right; it is time for college admissions.

Do notice however, that not everyone here witnesses their uncertain futures in the same manner. Many of these snobbish, and perhaps not so snobbish, A and B graders perceive nothing beyond the kind female octogenarian’s attire the feral canine has donned. They fail to observe her sharp teeth, crazed eyes or foaming mouth. Their marvelous performances in the last few tests have left them too dazzled to notice any of the terrifying aspects of college life in India.

Even more frightening, is the process of obtaining admissions in these apparent universities. Imagine a rather restricting enclosure consisting of about a dozen starved carnivores. These poor creatures barely have any space to move about. Now imagine what would happen if you were to toss a pound of meat amidst these deprived beings. If you find yourself equipped to visualize the events that follow; you should have a fair idea of what college admissions are like over here. Certainly, the better students with As and Bs have little to complain about while being admitted. But for those of us who provide our classmates with a mild ego-boost as we reveal our grades to them, college admission serves to be a rather complicated issue. What you must not fail to observe, is that all students over here are accosted by two choices upon finishing school: Join a college and let your brain shrivel or be original and die a pauper. Quite straightforward really.

Personally, I have chosen to let my brain shrivel. Perhaps, in four years time, I’ll be a content person without half a brain the same way a drunken man feels blissful at the prospect of having relinquished his senses. Do you need to let your gray matter wither? Do you wish to be accommodated in the filthiest corner of this planet while this happens? If so, come join a college here.